Coffee Fortnight at Threads: Week 1
Jettisoning the Java
words | salmana shah
This week marks the first week where we kick off a fortnight-long publication theme centered around coffee consumption at Threads Magazine. Our caffeine-theme only seems apt, given the current climate of quarter students prepping for midterm season or semester students grinding on during the last weeks of the academic year. Keep reading to find out more about how dark cups of joe define one UC Berkeley student’s life - and how the coffee kick has become an itch too hard to ditch.
The following article chronicles a week-long attempt to stay away from coffee.
Acclimating
There is a sudden and acute ache in my head. This and a gradually emerging drowsiness are almost debilitating, but I push aside the pain and focus on the lecture being delivered. I consider getting boba after class - after all, tapioca balls-infused tea isn’t as caffeine-intensive as my usual morning coffee with creamer or my late afternoon latte. But it’s still caffeine, and before I can enjoy a milk tea with boba or a tall vanilla latte ever again, I have to eliminate all dependency on caffeine.
Coffee was always a social thing; acquainting different coffee shops, meeting with friends over coffee, and studying with coffee was all part of a distinct culture that I enjoyed and loved.
But then I realized there was no way I could combat the stresses of a high-intensity extremely rigorous academic environment without coffee. And then it became a habit: a cup of coffee every morning to wake me up and then one in the afternoon to keep me awake. At some point, I grew intolerant of even the slightest of sleepiness. I turned to coffee instead of fighting the fatigue or getting a decent amount of sleep at night.
These withdrawal symptoms are a sign that my brain is acclimating to this abrupt change. At least that’s what I’m hoping it is.
Diversions
Old habits die hard. Anyone trying to break a terrible habit has to struggle with visceral sensations of desire and complicated internal dialogues.
Since my freshman year of college, I have struggled to feel productive or fulfilled without a cup of coffee.
I push the thought away, diverting my attention to more important things; today is the most beautiful day and I try to immerse myself in it. I am momentarily distracted from my coffee craving until it flares up again. These sensations of want, orchestrated by my mind, make it hard for me to do much else.
But I continue to push it away, reminding myself that there was a time before coffee and there will be a time after coffee.
This thought is somewhat successful as I manage to divert my attention - albeit temporarily - from that unnerving craving for caffeine.
Peril
Sometimes, the coffee-induced high I’d so desperately pursue would morph into coffee-induced peril. One cup of coffee would set me into an anxious spiral; I’d feel as though I could run fifteen miles but I’d also feel like collapsing.
The jitters I sometimes feel when I drink coffee are all too common in people who drink coffee. Sometimes, even the tiniest bit of caffeine is too much, leading to an adverse reaction.
That was never enough to stop me from drinking coffee the next day. Those anxious spells were rare enough in frequency that I would justify them by considering what would happen if I didn’t drink coffee. I was afraid I’d feel too exhausted to continue on with my day, that I’d succumb to the drowsiness I just couldn’t afford to feel.
Has coffee become so embedded in my routine that I fear I’d lose all stability if I gave it up? Am I incapable of functioning without a caffeine boost? These rhetorical questions confused me to no end.
Acclimating to change and, more particularly, letting go of something is terribly difficult. Perhaps at fault for my dependency was a deep-seated fear of letting go and an uncertainty of what my life would be like when that happened. I invariably forget that there was a time I lived and functioned well without coffee. I think about how my life requires so much more energy now. There is no way I can get through it on my own.
But it’s the third day and I’m still functioning. I remind myself of the peril I experience when I drink caffeine and make it through the day, successfully without coffee.
Relapse After Triumph
I gave in and bought a cup of coffee today. It was a semi-conscious decision: it was an early morning and I was tired. Anticipating a long day of classes and interning, I caved and bought a cup of plain, dark coffee. After submerging it in milk and sugar, I continued on with my day.
I felt immediately alert - as if I had experienced an instant jolt of energy. This sensation was followed by a deep sadness.
Four days without coffee: four days of piercing headaches, extreme tiredness, and occasional lethargy. But over the last four days, the symptoms had been decreasing. I felt more productive each day and the headaches became less severe. But today, on the fifth day, I relapsed. As a result, I lost all the progress I had made. Therefore, the dark dip in mood was inevitable.
Today, coffee became a temporary fix for a deep-seated issue: the activities and events in my life were exhausting me - physically, emotionally, and mentally. Even a good night’s sleep couldn’t give me the energy I needed to face the day. This is how it is for so many students around me who also face the stress of a high-pressure and demanding environment where everyone is ultra-productive and if you’re not, you’ll never be successful, fulfilled, or happy.
I realized I needed to face life head-on and find balance instead of relying on quick-fixes, like coffee, to make me ultra-productive. Perhaps it’s okay if I’m not ultra-productive. It’s most important that I take care of myself in order to at least maintain my existing productivity.
Bagel Meets Coffee
Today, I decide that I can and will function without coffee.
I force myself to stay awake when I feel sleepy, which is hardest to do in my early morning class. I pull myself out of my productivity slumps, which so often transpire while I’m writing papers for class or studying for midterms. Coerced attentiveness takes a tremendous amount of willpower but is far more fulfilling than a cup of coffee could ever be because the source of obtaining it is natural rather than artificial.
By making an active, conscious effort to employ my own internal strength, I find it possible to evade lethargy and to fully experience the day. This, however, is made difficult with a conflicting desire to give in.
I thwart the burgeoning desire to relapse; to buy that $5 cup of coffee, to indulge in the unnecessary expenditure. I would be far more alert, I tell myself.
Instead, I buy a bagel.
photos | sania elahi
P.S. Be on the lookout for next week’s caffeine-themed piece coming soon!
